Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
