I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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