Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
