There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
