dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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