i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
