like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize