Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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