she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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