Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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