I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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