I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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