someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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