I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
