He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
