whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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