im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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