True but thats because hes a fetus.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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