Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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