I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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