I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
