either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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