I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I take back everything I said about communal showers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
