I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
