yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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