do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
