Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
