i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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