I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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