At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
