dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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