I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
