just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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