No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
