so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
