How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
