i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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