i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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