If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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