There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
