...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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