can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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