Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
