What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
