Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
