He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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