your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
