I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
