end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
