A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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