I am puke
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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