Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
