She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
