My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
COCAINE IS GR8
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
