I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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