If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
