the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
