I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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