no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
