yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
