you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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