Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
