He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
