At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
