I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im part way to drunk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
