Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
