The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize