Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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