Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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