There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize