Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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