So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
